Holding On
by subtextgirl
Summary: Just another filler scene following Vanessa's suspension (30/03/18). Vanity.


**A/N:** Because I can't help myself… Others have done it better, but just another contribution toward filling the gap after Vanessa's suspension.

Holding On

Charity sighed, looking at her watch for probably the twentieth time in as many minutes. Despite a steady flow of punters all night, the atmosphere in the pub was strangely solemn and the locals, even ones she barely bothered with, seemed to sense it as they hesitantly muttered their orders before retreating to the tables behind. The bar itself had, for most of the night, been the territory of a blonde vet sitting mutely on a stool, elbows propped on the bar next to a perpetually full glass of white wine. Next to her Paddy sat contritely, giving the occasional look toward Charity, as if constantly trying to gauge whether he was in any immediate danger from either the barmaid herself or his inebriated colleague who, as the evening progressed, had taken to verbally sniping at anyone who even looked like they were about to attempt to strike up conversation with her, and had been stupid enough to ignore her girlfriend's warning glares.

After a particularly close call with Marlon, Vanessa, with a little encouragement, had moved from sitting forlornly across the bar, to slumping miserably in the corner booth. At first Paddy had hovered anxiously, drifting between the bar and his business partner, not quite brave enough to sit with her but clearly too guilty, and rightly bloody so, thought Charity, to stray too far. After close to fifteen minutes, Charity had been severely tempted to snap at him, telling him to grow a pair, or make his sodding mind up, instead of prancing around her pub. But on the other hand, Vanessa hadn't seemed to notice his presence, let alone be annoyed by it, and his constant fumbling was keeping her entertained, if not entirely vindicated.

Charity's attention soon drifted back to her girlfriend. She was, she guessed, somewhere in the middle of wine bottle number two. Her eyes had the glazed look of someone who was nearing their limit, having not yet reached blissful oblivion, but was nevertheless guaranteed a bitch of a headache as a reward. No amount of alcohol in the world looked like it would be capable of wiping the despondent look off her face, and just watching her was causing Charity's chest to tighten unfamiliarly.

The pub was quieting down with only a few punters lingering in small groups, mostly in the far corner of the room. However, even at its peak, no one had been stupid enough to block Charity's line of sight to Vanessa and, with the exception of Paddy, there had been an unspoken no-fly zone around the vet since she had stumbled away from the bar around an hour ago.

Now, with even fewer distractions, Charity found that she could no longer take her eyes off the other woman, even for a few seconds, and not for any of the reasons she was used to. It was at that moment that Vanessa looked up, her eyes meeting Charity's dolefully as she bit on her lower lip.

"That's it. Everybody out."

It took Charity a moment to realise that the voice barking out the order was her own. There were a few half-hearted groans of protest as the remaining customers put down their pints and shuffled toward the exit, but not many.

"That's right. Sod off, the lot of you."

Following them to the door and locking it exaggeratedly behind them, Charity smirked at Vanessa.

"You trying to put me out of business too?" She sidled up to the smaller woman slipping into the booth next to her, nudging her with her shoulder. "Is that your masterplan? Making us both ladies of leisure?"

Vanessa threw her a hazy glare. Her mouth contorted for a moment, stuck somewhere between an involuntary smile and a grimace, before settling back into its silent misery. Charity was struck by just how alone she looked just sitting there and it pained her more than she was ready to admit. She was also very much aware that, aside from the odd verbal dig, despite the fact she looked as if her entire world was crumbling around her, the other woman was yet to as much as cry. That, and she had absolutely no idea what to say or do to make any of it even remotely better, but she knew that this strange aching in her chest wasn't going to go away until she at least tried.

"Just think about it. Get up whenever we want." She winked suggestively. "Or, y'know, not." Another shoulder nudge.

Nothing.

There had been a lot of times, Charity reckoned when she felt absolutely bloody useless, but none more frustratingly so than this particular moment. To be honest with herself, she wasn't entirely sure what she would do in this situation. Possibly drink, cry, destroy property, or more probably a toxic combination of all three. But, on the other hand, she'd never after all lost a job which she'd worked that hard for. That said, she considered herself somewhat of an expert at losing, in the more general sense, so maybe there was some level of insight she could offer, even if it wasn't the healthiest.

"It'll be ok, you know."

The incredulous look sent in her direction, despite the circumstances, brought a grin to Charity's face. Yet she was fighting the odd impulse to just reach out and pull the other woman to her, keeping her safe from the rest of the world. The strength and sheer absurdity of the feeling made her think for a moment that it was in fact her that had drunk her body weight in wine, a sensation exacerbated by the realisation that she had indeed tugged the other woman almost roughly against her.

Vanessa swallowed heavily, and Charity subconsciously tightened her grip. She thought about saying something, but for once words just didn't seem to be there. Instead her free hand reached for Vanessa's chin, tilting it up until she was forced to meet Charity's eyes. Her face was pale which seemed to make her blue eyes shine brighter, but the rawness and sheer trust in them was breath-taking and Charity had the fleeting thought that she had never looked more beautiful. Biting down the unexpected wave of tenderness that washed through her, she held tighter still, placing a gentle kiss in her hair.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't care whether you're a vet or a…. a van driver." She rolled her eyes, at herself this time, and more at the finality of her tone. "I'm going nowhere, babe."

Despite the silence in the room, Charity felt rather than heard the first sob that shuddered through the smaller woman. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, and not something that she could barely remember doing, even for her own kids, her other arm, of its own accord, reached out pulling Vanessa closer still. As the other woman, without hesitation, turned to bury her face in Charity's shoulder, gripping the loose fabric of her shirt, instead of the usual panic, or preoccupation with the mixture of snot and tears she could already feel soaking into her shirt, Charity felt only an intense protectiveness ripple over her.

Relaxing into the sensation of the warm body clinging to her, there was nothing left for Charity except to do exactly what she felt like she'd been doing since the other woman had barged into her life. and just hold on tighter. Placing another kiss in her hair, she continued whispering the words of comfort which for once in her life seemed to come so easily.

"I'm going nowhere, babe."

 _/the end_


End file.
